Chapter 11

A Pause to Reflect

Like the hypothetical children of the second chapter, we have all learned our lessons well. Some of our lessons, like some of theirs, have resulted in a diminished ability to function honestly in society. Other of our lessons, like theirs, cause us to live in an unhealthy fashion.

The preceding chapters have attempted to explain the nature of the unhealthy lessons and why we have been so willing to accept them. We believed the messages not because their truth was apparent, but because they were taught by rote through repetition by people in whom we placed our trust.

The preceding chapters have also attempted to show the effects of these faulty beliefs, explaining why we’re sometimes afraid to be honest in our relationships and how we can easily allow ourselves to be victimized or to victimize others.

If the arguments, explanations, or examples have been in any way compelling, then one must look at the world from a somewhat different perspective.

Once when I was in need of a screwdriver, I impatiently grabbed a table knife that I used as a substitute. After I’d completed setting the screw, I noticed the blade tip of the knife had been twisted under the pressure. My immediate reaction was to think of the knife as having been cheaply made. It occurred to me upon reflection, however, that there was nothing wrong with the knife. I’d simply used it improperly. I’d abused it.

So it is with us. There is nothing wrong with us by virtue of manufacture. We simply abuse ourselves and others by first believing and then perpetuating the false beliefs about our identity, worth, and security. But we can become healthier. We can learn how to love ourselves and others. We can learn how to share honestly with each other in healthy relationships.

When the hypothetical children reentered society, it was necessary for them to recognize that what they’d been taught had been wrong. It was then necessary for them to learn the truth, even as they fought to overcome the faulty education and the conditioning that resulted from it.

The final chapters are devoted to an explanation of how we can become healthy. How we can feel good about who we are in spite of what any unqualified judge might tell us. How we can love ourselves in spite of someone else’s rejection. How we can be genuinely secure in spite of the uncertainty of life. Many of our beliefs about spiritual health are the result of learned denial, but if we’re willing to question our old beliefs, acknowledge our spiritual needs, and simply allow them to be met, we can become healthier.