Chapter 9

Love

An understanding of the concept of love is critical to any discussion about spiritual health. There are obviously many definitions to choose from, just as there are various forms of love. The definition I’m offering is not meant to be inclusive of all types of love, but simply explains what I mean when I refer to it as a spiritual concept.

The definition of love that I offer is, “The willful desire to protect and to assist in the healthy growth of all that exists.” This definition is, of course, all-inclusive. No one and no thing exists independent of “all that exists.”

This definition has some significant implications. The word “healthy” implies the distinction between “needs” and “wants.” In order for any of us to be healthy, our needs must be met. Health does not require that we have our wants met. They might make us happier and they may be harmless enough, but they’re unnecessary to our health. Someone who loves according to the definition I’ve offered will be much more concerned with needs than with wants. These needs would include the spiritual in addition to the physical, emotional, and intellectual.

The word “protect” also relates to needs and wants. In those cases where what we want is harmful to the health of any or all of creation, then satisfying that want is destructive rather than protective.

Perhaps the greatest implication lies in the inclusiveness of “all that exists.” If we are concerned with the protection and the health of the totality of creation, then we are faced with the following question: “Are my wants as important as the needs of the rest of creation?” Each of us has certain resources at our disposal. We have time, energy, ability, and material resources. Our use of those things is significantly affected by our answer to this question. People who are spiritually healthy view their responsibilities to others and to the world differently than do the unhealthy.

What is “willful desire?” It’s conscious rather than subconscious. It’s desire rather than obligation. Responding to the needs of the rest of creation out of guilt or because of a desire for personal recognition is not an act of love. The spiritually healthy person recognizes a personal need to love. To satisfy that need, the person consciously desires to protect and to assist in the healthy growth of the totality of creation.

That willful desire, however, is no guarantee they’ll be allowed to assist in all cases. It is not uncommon for people, through ignorance, apathy, or denial, to refuse assistance and reject love.

We live in an extremely materialistic and competitive society. We spend much of our time jockeying for position both socially and professionally. While not oblivious to the needs of the rest of the world, we’ve become preoccupied with looking out for number one.

At what point does self-love become selfishness? It doesn’t. They’re two completely different things. Self-love is the willful desire to have our personal needs met in the pursuit of health. Selfishness is the attitude that satisfying our own wants is more important than satisfying the needs of the rest of the world.

Rather than acknowledging our spiritual needs, we foster an illusion of identity, worth and security based on power, control and affluence. We’re encouraged to compete and consume in unhealthy fashion as we strive for societal validation. This encourages us to be selfish. It encourages us to be defensive. It encourages us to be spiritually victimized and to victimize others, as well.

To the extent that people are unhealthy spiritually, they’ll be incapable of truly loving themselves or the world around them.